Roller Coaster.....

15^th September.

Not long as I should be asleep. Need to do a longer entry as soon as I get five minutes. I'm riding a roller coaster trying to decide what to do. I have my unaided audiogram and my speech test results now and I can see a big difference in the speech tests from 18 months ago. I need to map both audiograms onto one to see any difference.

I want to try and track down my historical audiograms to see how much worse my hearing has actually got over the years.

Got a letter confirming I am on the waiting list from 10^th September so by 10^th December I should be implanted – if I proceed.

Have emailed Christine to ask if any new hearing aids that might be worth a last ditch trial. I think I am in denial about how deaf I am. I am also worried about losing what sound I do have at the risk of ending up with nothing.

On the flip side it is getting worse, its not as good as I think – its masked by the close group I keep myself in. And I guess I could have a control of knowing this might be the last few months I have of sound rather than waking up one day and it gone, or losing it so gradually I don’t notice I no longer hear sound X which is what is happening at the moment.

Really quite hard to resolve. And taking over my life, my brain, my thoughts at the moment. I’ve overdosed on CI blogs and I'm struggling to find anything new at the moment.

I'm also almost 100% sure if I do proceed I need to fight for an Advanced Bionics rather than Cochlear. Will write more about that when I can.